Month 2: The Great Poo Incident of 2000
April 25, 2000: The Great Poo Incident of 2000 is surpassed only by the Even Greater Poo Incident of 15 Hours Later. So, let's forget the Great Poo Incident and talk about the Even Greater Poo Incident.
It was 5 AM. Ann had just finished feeding Jack and woke me up to change his diaper. I don't deal well with middle-of-the-night and was quite cranky. But it's my job so I got to it, bitching all the while. We were staying at her parents' house in Rhode Island so the changing table is a pad I put on the end of the bed and I change him while kneeling on a pillow on the floor.
Half asleep I get to work. I remove the diaper and am reminded how much a baby can do over a night (we hadn't changed him since midnight or so). I put a towel on top of his willy so if he peed it'd go into the towel and not on me. I then proceed to clean him up. Somewhere in there, he kicked the towel off of him (a new trick he's learned). I didn't notice this until Ann shouted "He's peeing!" Yes, he was. All over her mother's quilt (we stay in her mother's bed). I quickly got the towel back on him but I was now in an even worse mood. I raised his legs to wipe the pee off the changing pad and he squirted poo at that exact moment all over the changing pad. So, I grabbed more clothes and started a mopping up process but he then squirted again. So, I grabbed a few more and just shoved them under him until he was done.
By the end of it, I had a pile of dirty clothes. a pee-soaked quilt, a baby that needed a new outer outfit (he hadn't gotten any poo on his onesie) and I was frustrated beyond words. I was mad at him, mad at my wife, and just pissed that I couldn't be happily asleep.
I looked over at him and he looked up at me, spit up all over his onesie and laughed at me.
He laughed at me.
I lost it. I just burst into peals of laughter. The sheer comedy of the situation finally came home. And, let's face it, it's impossible to stay mad at a baby when he laughs.
After all this mayhem, we actually got him to go back to sleep. Imagine that.
Here's a picture of him immediately after we put him back in his portable bassinet:
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